The Ridiculous Game of Life

It’s blog time.  It’s blog time.  My children tease me that I take pictures of everything.  It used to be that I was some crazy tourist, now however, it is because I must be putting it on my blog.  How can they complain?  They will have a complete journal of their lives because their mother found it fun to blog.  Blogging has got me thinking every week of what I might write here next which has kept my mind open to the simple things that bring me joy and the simple things that remind me of my Savior’s love for me.

For mother’s day my absolutely awesome husband got me a smoker/grill combo.  I watch this show, it has become a wicked addiction, called Dinners Drive Ins and Dives.  How can you not watch something that shows week in and week out all the glorious creations made in a smoker and not want to have one yourself?  And for someone like me who adores cooking, it was a definite must have.  Last weekend as I was struggling to get the coals started and the wood caught in my impatience I poured lighter fluid on coals that I did not realize had started a small blaze brewing in one corner.  What happened?  That’s right…cabloosh!  Let’s just say that I will be growing the hair back on my arm for the next month or so and that I couldn’t get enough cold water on my hand for several hours after without feeling like I was going to go up in flames.  My fingers never blistered and my skin only looked sunburned for a few days but it got me thinking of all of my clumsiness.  In fact my family teases me that I should never handle a cheese grater because perhaps I would grate more skin than cheese.

 

There...have I made you hungry with all my pictures? 

                    Now you want a smoker too!

                         You know that you do!

 

 All my life I have been clumsy and when I was a kid I used to think of that as one more major defect about me, but now I kinda find it enduring.  Strange I know, but it has taught me how to laugh and never take life too seriously and I really like that about myself.  Clumsiness seems to run in my family.  I won’t point out which siblings of mine are clumsy like me, but they know who they are and let’s just say that there is more of us than not.  My mother…the ultimate klutz and I laugh about it a lot.  Her father, my grandpa Hoklas was the king of them all and something about that makes me love him more, because you see, that makes me like him and I loved him so very much and he loved all of us so very much too.

All of us have things about us that perhaps are impossible to change.  Does that make us defective?  Should we be returned for an upgrade?  Absolutely not!  That’s what makes you unique and that’s what helps you see others with kinder eyes.  If earth life was perfection than those that were not would have absolutely no hope and the greatest gift that Christ has given us is hope.

Luke broke his collar bone this week and got a concussion in an accident with his motorcycle.  It kept him asking the same questions over and over only seconds apart for a good five plus hours and the next day it was every ten minutes or so. I worried that maybe his brain would never be right and I tried to laugh at the repetition instead of cry like I wanted to do.  His brain is back to the brilliance that is him but his happiness not so much.  Sometimes I feel like the choices that he makes seems to lead from one negative to another and part of me worries that he’ll have a hard time remembering that we love him and that God does too.  It’s never fun to be the parent when a child is hurting and you have to remind him the consequences that come.  Summer spent without a dirt bike or his skateboard as he gives his head time to heal and his mind time to grow up and become the awesome man that I know someday he will become.  I wish there was a way to let him in my head for one little moment so that he could see just exactly how much I love him and how much I worry about him.  I wish he could feel the love that I feel.  I guess maybe that is what God is thinking when we forget him, or trials come, or he has to remind us to take the better course.  Maybe he wishes that we could see inside his heart and understand how much he loves us.  Maybe he wishes that we could feel what he feels towards us.

My niece Molly had her first birthday party yesterday.  She was all smiles and cheers as she opened her presents and ate her cake and all I could help think was that I was so lucky to have her in my life.  I want my family home…all of them and Cullen, Annalee, Connor, Dallin, and sweet little Molly are finally home.  Oh how I have missed them when they were living in Texas.  The other day Cullen was talking with me on the phone and mentioned that he was having a guy’s night with my brother Brad and I teasingly said, “That’s not fair.  I have no sisters here for a girl’s night.  I should get to come too!”  Of course I was teasing and of course I was so happy that he was spending some quality time with one of my brothers but part of me was really sad too.  I never really got the chance to know my sisters very well.  Kari is much older than me and Jill so much younger and they live so very far away and part of me knows that Heavenly Father doesn’t want us to lose those relationships that maybe we never really had in the first place. 

Well, Jill is at this very second on her way here for a visit.  It has been two years since I have seen her and I haven’t even met my nephew Liam except in pictures and I guess I should just thank Heavenly Father that he is giving us this chance to connect, one of his many tender mercies, but part of me is sad too because I know that it will come to an end.  Time to find a way to get my Jilly Bean home for good.  I miss the chances that she and I have yet to have.

Saturday the girls and I and Sam finished weeding the lawn and mowing it and planting the garden.  Jason spent the night in Price playing a gig and didn’t come home until late morning.  Then we ran up north and got Suzy a new swimsuit for her pool party at school tomorrow and Nan a new dress for promotional from eighth grade on Thursday and ran some other errands.  When we came home I went in the house to get dinner ready and the kids played outside.  When I came out they were all laughing and giggling in the front yard, Jason included, as they took the bat and a plastic ball and played a completely crazy game of baseball with the ball going all lopsided in the air.  Safe from killing a car window, a house window, or a flower bed, and making the game utterly ridiculous and I couldn’t help but think that that was what life is all about.  Old and new, klutzy and happy, hurting and learning, new relationships and cementing old ones, and family all tied up into one crazy lopsided game of life with home base leading back to our Heavenly Father.  It’s a ridiculous game at times, and sometimes very painful too, but it’s worth every strike if in the end we hit a home run.

Love

Love…love has been the word on my mind a lot lately.  How can I love my house so much that I would be happy never to leave it, how can I love the lilacs on my bushes so much that it makes me smile, how can I love my kids so much that even when one of them may drive me insane I still only want them to be happy, how can my husband love me so much that all he thinks about is me?  And of course how can the Savior love me so much that he would give his very life for me and how can I ever show him how much I love him in everything that I do?

The kids got a new addition to our home yesterday.  He (or quite possibly she) is the tiniest little turtle about the size of two quarters and yes my kids, and I have to admit perhaps me, are already completely in love with him.  Popeye as he has come to be called doesn’t do much of anything all day long but walk back and forth in his cage and sleep but I can’t stop watching him.  Ridiculous but true.

My green house is full of tomatoes going to flower and other veggies and flowers all waiting to be planted and I can’t seem to get enough of going out into its warm walls and just staring at all the green things shining back at me.  We’ve had cold weather and the orchards in Santaquin are worried that they may have lost up to 60% of their crops this year.  My little peach tree, come what may made it through this hard winter and somehow has made it yet another year through the frosts and on inspecting the buds yesterday winking back at me were little fuzzy starts of peaches as if to say, “see, I held out just for you.”

This morning I made some crafts for the demonstration for Young Women’s tonight.  Gotta make sure the project works out before you try to teach it to a group of girls.  One of the crafts was a princess crown to be sold at the country store at our stake’s 4^th of July celebrations.  Each ward’s Young Men and Young Women are required to donate.  I couldn’t help but smiling when I got done with the princess crown.  So simple but so cute and all I could think of was that every little girl needed one of those, even my Young Women.  Perhaps if we walked around with a crown on our heads all day we wouldn’t forget who we were and how we should behave and most of all…just how much that we are loved.

You see, it doesn’t take much to see the love all around you.  It’s in everything if you take a moment to look.  I know I focus on this a lot but I would be very unappreciative if I didn’t.  God has blessed me with a very special gift that took a whole lot of years to get and one that everyone really should have.  He has softened my heart enough that I can’t seem to go without feeling all of his love all around me.  I can be in the deepest despair and somehow I can still feel it above all else.  Every year I am amazed when I look back and see the silliest simplest little things that I felt his love in and I am grateful for the joy that I have felt.  How can I not share that when it’s what drives me?

I’m not this great pillar of really anything…just a very simple woman really, but somehow God has been able to fill me with joy that seems to leak out from everywhere.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m still just as human as ever, just ask my sister in law Annalee who saw me loose it yesterday with Luke over a stupid little setting on my IPad that he had changed, but despite my gazillion weakness Heavenly Father has given me one constant that seems to run my life and bring grace to a rather average mundane day.  If this was all the joy that I would ever receive in this life or the next it would be more than enough, but the great thing is, is that it doesn’t even come close to what will come.

What a great blessing we have in knowing that God lives and that his son lives and in everything they can’t wait for us to come back to them.  Christ’s whole purpose on this earth was for us.  Heck, he suffered and then died a death that no one else could have endured for us.  We must be pretty darn important to him, even if some of us hide it under layers of hardness and heartache, he still loves us enough to take care of it all.

Okay.  Enough of my rambles.  I’ve got a whole day of finding joy in stupid little insignificant things that warm my heart.  Maybe I will go stare at Popeye a little more while he takes one of his million naps.  Why not?  It makes me happy and I’ve already cleaned most of the house and mopped the floor, washed dishes, did crafts, got kids off to school, organized for Young Women’s tonight, planned dinner, oh and got a grown boy off too work.  Who cares that my face and hair aren’t done, heck I haven’t even gotten into the shower yet and it’s after 10:00.  Popeye’s waiting for me and I can’t wait to see the joy in all of it.

Door to Door Sales Man Season

It’s that time of year again…yep, that’s right, Door to Door Sales Man time.  Could I say that as much as I love spring, which is oodles and oodles I assure you, I hate door to door sales men just as much!  Now where we live in this little town in a little area or community of this town the houses have big back yards, long and skinny, which means that the houses side by side are fairly close.  Ideal for the door to door sales man, and the blocks in our area are on longer than normal blocks.  That’s right when you think trick or treating in Nephi you think our area, or door to door sales in this case. 

                Last year my sweet giggly, everything is always rosy, daughter Nan came running into my room in tears.  She had been outside when a door to door sales man had approached her and she had explained our no soliciting sign on our door and he wouldn’t go away and Nan, who was only thirteen at the time, gave up and ran made dash scarred to death to my bedroom to tell me.  And worse yet the man had the nerve to, after causing my daughter to cry, wait at the door for me and try to push his product on me.

                Well in the hours that followed that first encounter I put up a vinyl sign beside our door, hand made by me in our vinyl machine since I have easy access to it, that read…”No Soliciting at our house and we won’t go target shooting at yours.”  Not very nice I know and completely out of my character, but it was funny and cute and somewhat to the point.  My children should feel safe in their own yard. 

                Well two days ago a certain company, I won’t name names because I am sure they have no idea that their sale’s men are this rauncho and I don’t want to get sued for slander down the road, came to my door.  I opened it and pointed to the sign and he very politely apologized and left.  The very next day someone else from that same company came and I pointed to the sign.  He apologized and said he didn’t notice the sign until he had already rang the doorbell, but since I had already answered the door…I very politely said I wasn’t interested as I shut the door.  Annoying two days in a row but not the end of the world.

                But today was different.  Same company but this time two sales men.  Sam was sick and passed out cold with a fever on the coach and Suzy was in the chair reading a book or something.  I answered the door, pointed to the sign, and went to shut the door but he put himself in my door way.  I politely explained that we were not interested and this was the third time this week that someone had visited here.  He exclaimed, “Impossible.  Did he have the uniform and the orange symbol.”  I assured him that they both did and that I wasn’t interested.  He then said to me, “Why do you have a No Soliciting sign?  Do you hate people?  Don’t you like the world?”  At this point I was surprised and yes, a little angry.  I informed him that without it I can get 10 to 15 sales men a week.  “Impossible,” came again, “You must hate people.”  Then, this is where Suzy laughed later after I had shut the door but I was only angry, he made a crazy face rolling his eyes and putting his face into mine shaking his head he said, “DDDDDUUUUHHH,” in a perfect 12 year old manner(think tongue sticking out eyes rolling like he was having a seizure sort of way).  “Impossible,” was my thought.  Did I really see a grown man do and act in the very way that he did?

                Now in defense of the other guy who was standing behind him I could see the shock on his face and embarrassment and he most definitely wanted to run and hide because it was the most unreal thing that either of us was seeing.  I shut the door in his face and he walked off cussing me and the whole time I was thinking of how mad I was and how afraid at the same time that he was going to smash the glass on my door that I had just shut in his face in.  I called the police.  Yes this very determined Mommy stood her ground and refused to be intimidated.  The nice officer on the phone upon learning that I could no longer see them instructed me to call the company and if they came back to call the police immediately before the opposers left my doorstep.  He also informed me that his wife that very week was having problems with that very same company and was also frustrated that her No Soliciting sign was not working.

                The company upon my call was very polite and took down my information so that they could find out who the man was.  They also instructed me in the future to get the man’s badge number before the conversation started so that they could keep track when the complaint comes in.  They were wonderful on the phone and documented everything.

                Few…Moral of the story?  Don’t really know yet but I know that I will find one.  To the good side of all of this, Door to Door Sales Man weather also means bike weather and soon to be sprinkler weather and camping weather and neighborhood kids riding bikes and eating snowies  in our front yard and playing ball in our back yard all together weather and there isn’t anything better than that…well accept maybe all the beautiful things that are right now growing in my greenhouse weather just waiting for another few weeks to be planted.  Despite it all Spring really is the best time of the year even if it is Door to Door Sales Man season too!

Highs and Lows

There have been a lot of highs and a lot of lows for us over the past few weeks.  Moments when my heart was breaking and I thought that the pain would never end and moments when my heart was soaring and I thought that I would never come down, but one thing that has been the constant through both the highs and the lows was the love that I feel from my Savior.

                Oh sure, most of you who read my blog probably assume that I live a charmed life filled with only perfection.  Not so but I can see how anyone would think so.  I try very hard in life to look for the good and most of the time I find it, but I wouldn’t be living this human experience if there wasn’t times that I was pushed to wonder if I could survive whatever trial that I might be going through until the next day.  I think that the lows we have help us to appreciate the joy that comes and most certainly brings us closer to our Heavenly Father.  Through the darkest of nights always comes the dawn even if the dawn might be filled with storm clouds on the horizon.

                I’ve had some time to reflect this past week on the joys in my life one of which is going to the temple.  Jason working in South Jordan like he does has allowed me to travel with him twice a month to do our family grocery shopping and to attend the temple in the morning.  I’ve come to look forward to this time when I can serve and connect with the other side a little closer, pull back the veil a little so to say, and have the peace that God wants me to have a little easier.  One of the greatest gifts he has given me.  If you don’t take the time to go already, do.  I promise you that no matter the commitments you have you can always find time for the temple.  Satan would have you think otherwise and if you miss out, oh sure you are letting those who are waiting for their priesthood blessings down, but mostly you are letting yourself down and not filling your cup to overflowing as you could.

                Sunday was crazy and I left half my lesson home and the words to the new song that we are learning home.  Upon arriving home I grabbed my lesson and what I thought were the words only to arrive at church and discover that they were not in my bag.  I had to rush to the library and recopy the music while the girls tried to stall through opening exercises only to discover once in my class room that I had left my lesson in the car and my Ipad in the other room.  Let’s just say that it didn’t get smoother after that.  I went home frustrated and tired.  Then I had to rush to get dinner ready and eaten in only 45 minutes and off to a Stake Young Women’s Leadership meeting.  Let me just say that at that point I didn’t want to go, especially because my brother Cullen and his wife Annalee were expected back to Nephi with their little family after what felt like about a million years of them being away to law school in Texas and the last thing that I wanted to do was worry about one more crazy meeting.

                I went.  Because that’s what you do and sometimes just obedience leads to some great blessings and this time it did.  I felt the spirit so strong and learned so much and my heart was filled to overflowing.  Cullen and Annalee came very shortly after to complete the wonderful feeling of joy that I had running through me.  I learned a new way to study my scriptures that is already changing my life and President Ludlow reminded me of the blessings that I have in Jason.  He was so amazing in the way that he spoke about our role in teaching the Young Women and he let us peek into the amazing way he feels about his wife.  The things he said about her and the way that he expressed his love for her was so beautiful and if she had been there, there would have been no way that she could have ever doubted that he loved her.

                I couldn’t stop the tears and perhaps everyone there thought that I was crying because I wished that I could have that, but in reality I was crying because everything that he was saying Jason more or less says to me every day and shows me every moment in the tender way that he treats me and I know that not everyone has that blessing that I do.  I truly am the most blessed of women.  How could I not think that when Jason so openly loves me so much?  When he looks at me so tenderly and all his concerns are around my wellbeing and happiness.  A great reason why I am the woman that I am, mostly filled with extreme joy and able to shoulder the trials as they come is because I am married to him and he has taught me to see how amazing that I am.

                Last night we had a service auction fund raiser for the young men and young women in our ward.  The men were in charge of the auction and the young women the food.  Can I just say that chaos ensued and I really was certain that the food would never come together in time?  My heart was racing and when I realized that very few had come to the dinner I was downright discouraged.  My secretary and my laurel’s advisor kept saying it’s alright, it will all work out.  Dinner got done, and people showed up, late but in great force.  The young women worked together beautifully and in the end we raised a great amount for girls camp and scout camp and joint activities and although I was stuck in the kitchen most of the time and really couldn’t see much of what was going on in the gym I think that everyone had a good time.

                This morning I am so tired that I want to just lie in bed all day and my feet and back are so sore that I could cry, and maybe laugh at the same time too, but I am soaring once again!  I’ve cleaned the kitchen, gotten breakfast made, Jason’s breakfast made, washed dishes, read scriptures, made yogurt smoothie pops for when the kids come home, folded some of the million table clothes that I still have to wash and now written in my blog and all I keep feeling is the Savior’s love and all that keeps going through my thoughts are the words, “I love you!” over and over.

                Jesus is the Christ, our brother.  He died for me and he lives for me!  His spirit brings me peace and reminds me of who I am.  I have a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother who love me and are cheering for me.  They know me even when I sometimes I don’t and in everything they are trying to strengthen me until I come back home.  I have the gospel of Jesus Christ, the same gospel that was in Jesus’s day and I have the Bible and the Book of Mormon.  I have prayer for when I am sad and prayer for when I am in need and prayer for when I am alone and most of all prayer for when I am grateful and I have the Holy Ghost that speaks to me of peace.  What more could I need?  How could I not soar?  My life is a million puzzle pieces of highs and lows that are all being pieced together to paint the most wonderful picture of my eternity.

               

Oh, So Serious Sam

How many times have you held your perfect little baby in your arms and looked at him in complete awe.  Some part of you knew then like the first moments when in the most impossible release you brought that babe into the world that he had come straight from God.  Part of you was in awe the other part of you would have given anything to look into that baby’s memories and try yourself for one sweet moment to remember home.

                Then what happens?  They grow up on you and suddenly that sweet innocence seems to drift away and you long for it again, for those moments when you felt so close to God.  I remember holding Sam in my arms that first time after the whole world of visitors had gone home.  The hospital was quiet and he had woken up for his first midnight feeding.  I remember the most perfect moment when everything was still and for one sweet night he was mine and all mine alone.  I remember looking down at him and feeling the sense of the greatness that I held in my arms and wondering how God could entrust such perfection to me, someone so far from perfect.

                When Sam got older and learned to smile and toddle around, even talk and hold very simple conversations even then he was what one might call serious and a deep thinker.  I remember when he was about three possibly four my father laying on the grass and Sam and Steph were climbing all over him and my dad saying to Sam, “Sam, smile for me.”  And Sam in the most serious of expressions, lines drawn and brows furled said, “I am smiling.”  We laughed then as we still do now when we think back to that.  Sam so little and chubby and so serious, not unhappy just of serious nature.

                Sam is still very serious.  His questions are so deep that sometimes I marvel at them and his understanding of right and wrong, no grey, make me wonder how he can be so certain when he is so little.  I think maybe he really is more close to perfection than I am.  Perhaps in the spirit world he obtained more holiness than me, perhaps he was just a little more prepared beforehand than I was.  Who knows?  But sometimes I still have to laugh at my little boy who at times can be so serious.

                On Thursday they had a spelling bee for Sam’s First Grade.  Now, although we had the list of words months in advance, we didn’t study one second, not once.  Great mother right?  Sam aces everything at school.  He is well beyond many years of what he should be in reading, he’s been doing multiplication since kindergarten when he asked me what is was when you had three threes and they equal nine, what was that called.  He does division now and reads Harry Potter and spells all of his older sister’s spelling words with no problem.  So of course, the lazy mom that I am, and in keeping with my other children who had no desire to be in the spelling bee, we didn’t practice once.  So imagine my surprise when I received the email from Sam’s teacher inviting me to the spelling bee of the top fourteen spellers in his grade. 

There Sam sat in that small elementary school library, all of his fellow classmates sitting on the floor to watch Sam and thirteen others duel it out in a spelling contest, Sam’s legs twitching nervously under his seat.  The principal explained the rules and then reminded the kids that the top five got five dollars each.  One by one it went down the line, sterner and more serious grew Sam’s face and faster twittled his feet until it was his turn.  Then, up he popped, looked at me, no smile on his face, and repeated the word, letters flying out swiftly and clearly until he was back down in his seat a look of relief on his face.  It carried on like this each round while more and more children were spelled out until Sam was in the top five.  Then miraculously Sam’s whole demeanor calmed and a smile spread across his face and he relaxed and had fun. 

        In the end, despite my awful parenting, my little serious boy took First Place.  Number one speller in the First Grade with his two best friends following right after.  When I asked him how it felt, if he was happy to have won he said, “I just wanted the five dollars, then I didn’t care.  I’m rich!”

 I can’t help but wonder what he will become when he grows up.  Will he be the pharmacist like he professes he will?  I guess it doesn’t matter much as long as he continues on with his desire to learn and learn more.  But most importantly I hope he always holds to his right and wrong with no grey areas, I hope he can always hold to the greatness that I felt the very first night that I held him in my arms.

Little Glimpse of Heaven

So what do you do that first moment when you see your shy little girl walk out on stage in front of the whole town and you can see her heart racing and almost feel every time that her heart catches and you know part of her just wants to turn around and run away?  First you hold your breath, then you breathe slowly uttering a prayer, “Lord, please calm her and let her do her best so she won’t hate herself later,” and then you hold back all the nervous adrenaline and let your daughter go, win or fail.

But what came out of her mouth next was simply magic and Jenny won the talent portion of Miss Nephi last night.  https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10201039586341301&set=vb.1516997456&type=2&theater  Sure, she didn’t get a crown, heck she has never ever done anything princessie before in her life and had never modeled or done “the walk” but she took the stage when she sang last night.  For one second it was as if the rest of the world didn’t exist and it was only my daughter, my sweet little girl who at 5 weeks old almost slipped away from us.  I prayed then, “Lord please don’t let my baby die.  If someone has to go take me instead,” and despite everything in the next two years that kept seeming to want to take her from this earth God, like last night, had heard the prayer of a terrified Momma and let her stay.

I guess that I am still floating on a high from last night.  Jenny is very quiet about her accomplishments and cannot stand the thought of throwing herself at the whole world, so although her father and I and her siblings knew that she could sing, even her own grandmothers had no idea…so imagine the shock as the whole tiny town of Nephi, who knows everything about everyone, heard Jenny sing last night.  The great thing about our amazing tiny town that we live in is everyone supports each other like family and last night Jenny was their family.  What a great world we live in where Jenny could shine the way that she did and where everyone, even people she barely knows could stand up and give her the love that she needs.  Thanks Nephi.  You are amazing.

Jason as many of you know has a mobile DJ business on the side of his already crazy job.  As a family it has been an amazing thing that he does giving our children experiences that most others could never have.  He plays pretty much every week and usually several times a week at BYU where our kids have met some pretty amazing people that Jason has done sound for, Ryan Shupe and David Osmond, to name a few at BYU when they were just the little guy but one of the many things that he does, which is my favorite part I must add, is Karaoke.  When you set up the Karaoke stage and everyone at BYU gathers around, stage in front, large speakers and mics, chairs set up to brimming, it can be a little intimidating and at first no one wants to sing.  Those darn nerves again.  That is where Jenny has always come in since she was a very little girl.  “Go on stage and break the ice,” she has always heard.  And Jenny, legs trembling, would always climb that scary stage to sing, terrified but determined.  First it was her tiny little toddler voice that everyone always oohed and awed over, “what a cute little girl with curly red hair,” now it’s usually, “wow, that girl can sing,” followed by applause and a line of people waiting to get added to the karaoke list.

When they announced last night that the winner of the talent portion of Miss Nephi was, “Contestant #1, Jennifer Gibson,” I screamed so loud I embarrassed myself, but I didn’t care.  That was my little girl, and God hadn’t let her down and he had allowed her to shine.  And when they put that award in her hands, I could see the confidence shining on her face and I knew that God knew that she was special and that she mattered.

My sweet Luke gave Jenny her own crown last night and her brothers and sisters and grandma and uncle cheered for her like she had just taken “The Voice,” but what amazed me most was the sweetness that Heavenly Father let me see in my little girl’s raspy voice and the outpouring of love from the most amazing little town that I have the most wonderful privilege of living in.  If you think blessings don’t surround you everywhere you go, then you need to pray a little harder for the help to see them.  Because God loves us and he gives us these little glimpses into Heaven every time that we are willing to see.  It’s like he is saying, “I miss you so much.  This trip you’ve taken away from me is scary for me to watch and terrifying for me to let you go, but I will show you how much I love you and send you little pictures of home if you will just look a little harder to see.  I love you!”

Jenny was an angel last night and sang with an angel voice, and yes I am her momma and a little prejudice  but still…SHE WAS AMAZING!!!

 

A Smile Is Contagious

Mondays seem to be a tossup for me of disdain and joy.  In so many aspects I hate Mondays.  And rightfully so.  The kitchen is always a mess of soiled dishes and odds and ends scattered throughout the house.  The thought of getting through all of those dishes seems impossible and daunting, but on the other hand I love Mondays.  After the chaos of getting six kids up and running and a husband off to work, my hands sink into warm dishwater with soft church music playing in the background and I get to reflect on the week before.  In so many ways this starts my week with peace despite the endless mess and dirty floors before me.

            I was thinking thus this morning as I was struggling to scrub off the dried and glued on leftover Taco Soup from the pan that I was washing when I couldn’t help but think to last Saturday.  The day started rather sweetly.  Jason and I laid in bed longer than usual just enjoying being together.  The kids were quiet and off doing their own thing downstairs giving us a very rare Saturday morning of sleeping in.  When I got up I decided to make a big breakfast or rather brunch since it had gotten so late.  My oldest two girls were actually cheerful as they helped clean the kitchen and start cooking.  Everything was going beautifully and I couldn’t help but think it…should have knocked on wood then.

            I sent my younger two downstairs to find some canned fruit to go on top of the waffles.  Before long they started up on fighting which seems to be becoming the norm around here and something we were working on.  In the process of their bickering Stephanie took a swing at her brother who in return jumped out of the way knocking a jar of pears onto the cement floor of the fruit room and spilling the contents all over the floor.

            Jenny and Nan then were called into clean up duty so that the little ones wouldn’t get cut by the sharp glass and so that I could continue on with the breakfast.  Jason promptly set Sam and Steph into respective corners for fighting which I must reiterate has been the norm as of late with them and then joined me to help finish breakfast.  He started making Orange Smoothies forgetting to add ice and neglecting the hash browns on the stove browning them just a little too much, I nearly forgot to turn off the sausage getting them also a little too brown.  We laughed at brunch that Sam and Steph’s fight had jinxed the day.

            If we had only known then…Then we decided to head up north with our Pass of all Passes card in hand to enjoy Laser Tag and Mini Golf and Rock climbing only to realize that I couldn’t find Luke’s pass anywhere.  Searched through the whole house and car with no luck and everyone’s patience frazzled.  Looking on line I found the place to buy a new one for only 9.95, ten dollars less then I originally paid for it, but when it printed off it said that it would be six to eight weeks until it came in the mail.  With receipt in hand we decided to hope for the best that they would still stamp off Luke’s hand and let him in.

            On the way up to Lehi I decided to use the app on my phone and check our bank account to make sure like I do every two weeks that our automatic deposit from work had gone through.  It had as it always does but long and behold what did I find in my looking but that someone had rented a Redbox Movie in California for $2.19 on one of our cards.  We live in Utah not California.  Not a big deal?  No.  But it could have been if I had not so quickly noticed and they had continued on using our debit card.  After calling the bank we found out that one other charge had been made in California for the small price of $3.00.  Great.  Now we were in the process of cancelling Jason’s debit card, the only one we had with us up north for a day of fun with the kids.  Could the morning get any worse?  Luckily for us only a few miles away there was a Wells Fargo that was still open for another ten minutes and they were able to issue Jason a temporary card to use until his new one shows up in the mail.

            At that point our tempers were a little hot and the morning seemed to be one failure after another but then… my children started talking about the broken jar of pears that had started it all and laughing about how ridiculous the morning had become one thing after another.  It wasn’t long until we were all laughing and teasing about everything that had happened.  The rest of the day was wonderful and Luke’s hand did get stamped and we had the best time and in it all I am so happy that whomever had stolen Jason’s card information had only made small purchases and that I had taken the time to look at our bank account that morning before we finished our day and before the thieves had the nerve to start making big purchases out of our account.

            What was starting out to be a big disaster resulted in blessings and stressful moments that very shortly after we were able to laugh at.  Isn’t that how so much of life can be?  One stressful thing after another.  Sometimes I am not always so quick to stand back and smile instead of crying.  I don’t know any other way to get through life and all that seems to come with it bad included with the good then to smile when all you want to do is cry.  Smiling is contagious after all.  One child started laughing about that miserable morning we were having and before long we were all laughing about it and really we should have been.  After all those pears taught Sam and Steph to feel a little repentant about all the fighting that they had been doing and showed Jenny and Nan that even though it was a mess to clean up that together it wasn’t so bad.  Yes Jason may have forgotten the ice in the orange juice and nearly burnt the hash browns and I the sausage but we didn’t and brunch was really yummy and we had plenty to eat.  The debit card was stolen but only a little over five dollars was taken and the card was replaced and it could have been hundreds or even more and the bank would have been closed if I had waited to look another ten minutes more.  Now I know that nothing really huge or really horrible had happened that day but in the past it has and yes sometimes we need to cry a little before we can laugh, but in the end we need to laugh or smile at least.  Life is meant to be enjoyed even when it seems too hard and when our hearts feel too broken we can smile and we can find joy and once we do, when those times feel the hardest, we can appreciate the joy all the more.

            Well on to another week and yes we will have to wait and see what it brings.  Hopefully I can keep smiling and laugh when I want to cry, because really everything seems rosier when we smile.