Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Highs and Lows

There have been a lot of highs and a lot of lows for us over the past few weeks.  Moments when my heart was breaking and I thought that the pain would never end and moments when my heart was soaring and I thought that I would never come down, but one thing that has been the constant through both the highs and the lows was the love that I feel from my Savior.

                Oh sure, most of you who read my blog probably assume that I live a charmed life filled with only perfection.  Not so but I can see how anyone would think so.  I try very hard in life to look for the good and most of the time I find it, but I wouldn’t be living this human experience if there wasn’t times that I was pushed to wonder if I could survive whatever trial that I might be going through until the next day.  I think that the lows we have help us to appreciate the joy that comes and most certainly brings us closer to our Heavenly Father.  Through the darkest of nights always comes the dawn even if the dawn might be filled with storm clouds on the horizon.

                I’ve had some time to reflect this past week on the joys in my life one of which is going to the temple.  Jason working in South Jordan like he does has allowed me to travel with him twice a month to do our family grocery shopping and to attend the temple in the morning.  I’ve come to look forward to this time when I can serve and connect with the other side a little closer, pull back the veil a little so to say, and have the peace that God wants me to have a little easier.  One of the greatest gifts he has given me.  If you don’t take the time to go already, do.  I promise you that no matter the commitments you have you can always find time for the temple.  Satan would have you think otherwise and if you miss out, oh sure you are letting those who are waiting for their priesthood blessings down, but mostly you are letting yourself down and not filling your cup to overflowing as you could.

                Sunday was crazy and I left half my lesson home and the words to the new song that we are learning home.  Upon arriving home I grabbed my lesson and what I thought were the words only to arrive at church and discover that they were not in my bag.  I had to rush to the library and recopy the music while the girls tried to stall through opening exercises only to discover once in my class room that I had left my lesson in the car and my Ipad in the other room.  Let’s just say that it didn’t get smoother after that.  I went home frustrated and tired.  Then I had to rush to get dinner ready and eaten in only 45 minutes and off to a Stake Young Women’s Leadership meeting.  Let me just say that at that point I didn’t want to go, especially because my brother Cullen and his wife Annalee were expected back to Nephi with their little family after what felt like about a million years of them being away to law school in Texas and the last thing that I wanted to do was worry about one more crazy meeting.

                I went.  Because that’s what you do and sometimes just obedience leads to some great blessings and this time it did.  I felt the spirit so strong and learned so much and my heart was filled to overflowing.  Cullen and Annalee came very shortly after to complete the wonderful feeling of joy that I had running through me.  I learned a new way to study my scriptures that is already changing my life and President Ludlow reminded me of the blessings that I have in Jason.  He was so amazing in the way that he spoke about our role in teaching the Young Women and he let us peek into the amazing way he feels about his wife.  The things he said about her and the way that he expressed his love for her was so beautiful and if she had been there, there would have been no way that she could have ever doubted that he loved her.

                I couldn’t stop the tears and perhaps everyone there thought that I was crying because I wished that I could have that, but in reality I was crying because everything that he was saying Jason more or less says to me every day and shows me every moment in the tender way that he treats me and I know that not everyone has that blessing that I do.  I truly am the most blessed of women.  How could I not think that when Jason so openly loves me so much?  When he looks at me so tenderly and all his concerns are around my wellbeing and happiness.  A great reason why I am the woman that I am, mostly filled with extreme joy and able to shoulder the trials as they come is because I am married to him and he has taught me to see how amazing that I am.

                Last night we had a service auction fund raiser for the young men and young women in our ward.  The men were in charge of the auction and the young women the food.  Can I just say that chaos ensued and I really was certain that the food would never come together in time?  My heart was racing and when I realized that very few had come to the dinner I was downright discouraged.  My secretary and my laurel’s advisor kept saying it’s alright, it will all work out.  Dinner got done, and people showed up, late but in great force.  The young women worked together beautifully and in the end we raised a great amount for girls camp and scout camp and joint activities and although I was stuck in the kitchen most of the time and really couldn’t see much of what was going on in the gym I think that everyone had a good time.

                This morning I am so tired that I want to just lie in bed all day and my feet and back are so sore that I could cry, and maybe laugh at the same time too, but I am soaring once again!  I’ve cleaned the kitchen, gotten breakfast made, Jason’s breakfast made, washed dishes, read scriptures, made yogurt smoothie pops for when the kids come home, folded some of the million table clothes that I still have to wash and now written in my blog and all I keep feeling is the Savior’s love and all that keeps going through my thoughts are the words, “I love you!” over and over.

                Jesus is the Christ, our brother.  He died for me and he lives for me!  His spirit brings me peace and reminds me of who I am.  I have a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother who love me and are cheering for me.  They know me even when I sometimes I don’t and in everything they are trying to strengthen me until I come back home.  I have the gospel of Jesus Christ, the same gospel that was in Jesus’s day and I have the Bible and the Book of Mormon.  I have prayer for when I am sad and prayer for when I am in need and prayer for when I am alone and most of all prayer for when I am grateful and I have the Holy Ghost that speaks to me of peace.  What more could I need?  How could I not soar?  My life is a million puzzle pieces of highs and lows that are all being pieced together to paint the most wonderful picture of my eternity.


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