Friday, July 31, 2015

The Devil's Business

I’ve tried to sit back, I really have.  I’ve tried to be the polite one who shared her views quietly as I blogged about sweet things, of hope and love, and God.  I’ve shared small quiet opinions on Facebook as I have shared others blogs and posts and by doing so I thought that I was being polite and kind.  I thought that I was doing my best to spread joy by not spreading controversy, but today as I was reading yet another blog by another person other than myself who seemed to put everything that I felt so perfectly into words for me, I realized that I wasn’t being polite or kind, I was being cowardly and hiding the testimony that is me, even if it might offend someone.  I need to use my voice even if all it accomplishes is to make someone mad.  I cannot profess to have a testimony if the only way I share it is in the quiet confines of my safe little home with others who feel the same way as me.  No fear of rejection, maybe, but no voice in a world that so desperately needs more.

Most of you know that I am a mother of six crazy kids.  I try to be a great mother, my most important job, but I am human and fail quiet regularly, and my kids are human and fail quiet regularly too…that being said, I’ve mostly stuck to the pleasant times in my life, or the testimony building times in my life in this blog.  Some of you may not know that I at times struggled to have those sweet kiddos of mine.  After Luke we had a very unexpected pregnancy, he was only three months old, but after lots of, “oh craps”, we accepted, moved on and even became excited.  Three months later on the move back to Utah I lost said baby.  At that point that baby was already mine and the loss was hard.  It took 18 months more of trying and praying and several early miscarriages later before we conceived Jenny.

Joy of Joys, let me tell you when Jenny was born.  That was until 5 ½ weeks later when she contracted RSV which led to pneumonia, which led to several days in the hospital which led to Jenny turning blue, which led to our doctor rushing to get her breathing which led to said doctor who was also our Bishop at the time and Jason giving Jenny a blessing and little sweet tiny baby Jenny and me riding frantically in an ambulance to Utah Valley Hospital where she almost died.  Seeing my baby with pick lines and tubes and oxygen for days struggling to live when in reality she should not have, crushed my heart, not to mention the next two years of her fighting to get her immune system back.

Flash forward 6 plus years to my little Stephanie.  5 ½ weeks away until her birth and suddenly my blood pressure is racing and her little body starts actually losing weight in the womb in the month that it should be gaining the most.  3 ½ weeks of bed rest and one false alarm emergency trip in an ambulance to Utah Valley Hospital later and sweet, very tiny, Stephanie is born, complete with the cord wrapped several times tightly around her neck and all, all 5 ½ pounds of her with fiery wild red hair and the sweetest little face ever.

I’ve had sister in laws who have struggled much worse than me, trying so desperately, going from one doctor to the next, spending day and night on their knees just to get the chance to be a mother.  And the heartbreak that I have seen on their faces says it all, childhood is a gift, a gift that so many don’t seem to understand.

Where am I going with this, well, I think you all know?  When Jason and I were first married and first pregnant with our first baby Luke, we lived far from home in a state very unfamiliar for us without the use of a cell phone and long distance being so much money.  I was young and naive and completely unaware of what to do next.  Looking for a place to come across discretely a pregnancy test I looked in the phone book and came across the name, “Planned Parenthood.”  Now this was 22 years ago and I was very innocent and in my mind those words described me perfectly, someone trying to plan parenthood.  I would like to say the pregnancy test was free…but it wasn’t.  It cost the same as it would have in the store, but it was discrete and very quiet.  Had I known then what I know now, I never would have gone.

Planned Parenthood is the Devils business.  By walking through those doors I was in the Devil’s house even if not aware.  And times have changed and the world has grown and eyes have been opened and everyone is aware, well accept maybe our very little ones who are still slightly protected from this world.  No one in America can any longer claim innocence like I could 22 years ago, media and the internet have changed that.  We all know who Planned Parenthood is and what they are about.  They are about the Devil’s work, destroying innocent lives before they have a chance to flourish or fail per their God given right, and destroying the most sacred institution in this world the family.  If you enter Planned Parenthood you are entering the Devil’s house.  If you work for Planned Parenthood you are working for the Devil’s business.  And if you have any excuses for it you are making excuses for the Devil himself, you are doing the Devil’s work.

There is no longer a grey line, a magic haze between right and wrong that is easy to sway one way or another to fit our whims and selfish desires.  When Planned Parenthood was ousted as baby killers that line was no longer grey but black and white and when the media hit with the sale they are making of these innocent victims body parts that only come after the horrible murder of ones too tiny to fight for themselves the magic haze disappeared entirely letting light, or maybe more accurately darkness shine in on the whole deal.

If you’ve ever been a mother, you cannot look at a little newborn in your arms and not know, if even just for one little second, that there is something, or someone greater working in the making of that child.  And if you’ve ever been a mother struggling with the fear or even loss of losing a child, you cannot logically say that that life didn’t matter, even in the few minute cells that it was in its very first beginnings.  And if you’ve ever been a mother struggling so hard and praying so long just for the chance to be a mother, you cannot possibly understand how someone, shellfish or inconvenienced or hurt could ever think it alright to destroy something so precious.

I don’t care who you are, what your views are, or how I might hurt your feelings…if you support Planned Parenthood, well then you are doing your little bit today to help the Devil along his way.  And if I keep shut about how I feel about it, well maybe, just maybe I am doing the same.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

The Most Dreaded Calling that I Never Knew that I Would Love!

Who knew that I could love Scouts?  Certainly not me…certainly not the lady who was in Cub Scouts years ago when my grown son was a baby and hated, yet endured, every minute of it.  When the bishopric came and welcomed us into our new home over a month ago and asked what callings I loved and which had been my least favorite, my first response was that I loved Young Womens and that Nursery, though I had loved every minute of that year that I had served there, was not huge on my hope to serve there again calling list, but back in my mind I was also thinking, “Oh, please, not Cub Scouts.”

Shock to all get out when I was called, though I had had the feeling for a week that Cub Scouts was coming.  I told the first counselor that I wasn’t a Scouter, but that I would learn and that I could do anything that Heavenly Father wanted me to do and I chose to go forth with that attitude.  Let me reemphasize the word chose, because it very much was a conscious decision on my part, I was determined to do good by my new calling and by Heavenly Father.

That’s where the neat part comes in.  Isn’t God amazing?  In my heart I wanted to do his will and be grateful.  I wanted to serve where he needed me and where I could bless someone else, but that is the amazing thing about God, he knows what we need even when we don’t, he knows the best way to bless us even in a calling that we so don’t want.  I’ve only been at it 2 ½ weeks and only attended 2 activities and one training, but I am already excited for this Wednesday and to be able to go to Scouts.  I was even excited when the ugly yellow scout shirt came in the mail and it fit so perfectly.  And when I was on my knees in prayer this morning thanking Heavenly Father for the blessings that keep piling on our family and on me I was so grateful for our new ward and for the women that I am already getting to know and learning to love and I realized then that Cub Scouts was for me and not for those that I will serve.  God knew that I would meet some pretty amazing women there and get to know them in a way that only a calling can do for you.  He also knew that I needed to be part of the Sunday School and Relief Society programs to learn and grow and feel the spirit there and I couldn’t have in a Sunday calling that would have taken me away from that.  Not to mention the amazing women that I am learning about by going to Relief Society with them.

I didn’t know that when I was answering yes to a calling that was very close to one of the lowest on my list of must have callings would turn out to be God’s way of giving me friends and helping me to feel so much a part of a ward that is MY ward, and My ward family.  I’m so grateful for Cub Scouts, that most dreaded calling that I already am so in love with and for the choice that I made to have a determined and joyful attitude when called, because I couldn’t have known then that in so doing God was trying to bless me with everything, and everyone that I needed.  Who would have known?  Certainly not me.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Somebody Driving that Knows the Road

“Lord, but this is a funny world when you get to studying!  Looks like things didn’t all come by accident.  Looks as if there was a plan back of it, and somebody driving that knows the road, and how to handle the lines.”  –A Girl of the Limberlost- by: Gene Stratton-Porter.

Funny how many times that I look back on my life and think those same thoughts if not in such a pretty verse.  I sure had it all settled out when I was a little girl of how I hoped my life to be, and for the most part it has all come to pass, only so much harder, and so much more beautiful than I ever could have planned it to be.  It never ceases to amaze me how much God is in all of the details.

I miss my dear little town of Nephi, so much, as I was sure I would, but only God could have known how quickly I would become attached to this sweet place and these wonderful people in Eagle Mountain.  When we sold our house to the nice gentleman who bought it, I was expressing my concern for the girls feeling like they belonged and he said to me then that I would have no problem fitting in with the kind of attitude that I had.  I knew he was right, in a way, that I really could be happy anywhere, if I chose to be, and I am, oh how much I am.

I’ve decided to smile when I meet a new person, and look them in the eye when they talk to me.  I’ve taken part in Sunday School and Relief Society when I should be feeling shy and I’ve decided to enjoy the blessing of being so close to so many wonderful amenities.  Because that is what I can do and what I can be responsible for.  I can choose to love our Ward and become attached with every ounce of my being.  I can be excited about the good men who are in our bishopric and I can look for the love that they show to the whole ward and be grateful for their service.  I can watch the young mothers in our ward and remember when that was me and smile at their children and be excited about all that I know that they are learning along with their little ones and learn from their love and compassion and I can soak up the warmth and the wisdom that the older sisters have to offer and listen so closely to all that they have to say.

I can laugh at the constant incoming of well-wishers and family that stop by so regularly and be grateful that we are so loved even when sometimes I just want to flop onto the coach and relax.  I can even watch the men as they dig out the dirt for a foundation of a new house going in across the street and be excited by the thought of a new neighbor to love and the thrill of watching a new house being built from start to finish even if it is kind of loud…I can choose to be excited instead. 

I can look at Jason’s new calling that will take up so many crazy hours out of his week and be grateful that Heavenly Father is giving him so much opportunity to serve his people and be able to thank God a little more for all that he has given us all the while he is learning and growing and becoming even more amazing than he already is, even if that takes him away from the family a little more than I would like…look at the great example he is for my children, especially my little boy.  I can choose a lot of things…even things that are outside of my comfort zone and I can see the blessings in the choices that I make.

Oh…I miss you dear Nephi with all of my friends and even my family.  With your town celebrations and small schools where every teacher knows and loves my children.  I miss the familiarity of knowing almost everyone everywhere that I go and I miss the relationships that I have made over the years.  Thank you for helping to build confidence in my children and in myself so that we can go into this new adventure with our hearts fully into making the most of every moment.

 And…thank you Eagle Mountain for making me feel already so much at home.  You have won my heart with your outstretched arms and rolling hills and small town feel in a town that should feel too large. 


Thank you Nephi 10th Ward for teaching my children and loving our family and helping me find the woman that I am today, the woman who is so excited for this next phase.

Thank you Liberty Farms Ward, for scooping us up and grabbing us right in.  We love you already even if we can’t remember all of your names.  Sitting in Sacrament Meeting Sunday I couldn’t help but know that this is where we belong, that you are now who we belong too.

And thank you Heavenly Father, for planning out the little details so far in advance that we didn’t even know that you had planned the path out ahead of us.  Thank you for taking the wheel and navigating when you already knew the road. 

Here’s to being happy because I choose to, making friends because I can if I want to, and falling in love once again with all of the beauty all around me.