Why Me?

Do you often look around you at the world and wonder in awe, why me? No, I don’t mean in despair, but in complete and humble gratitude. Walking outside near the end of today, the tulips in my flower beds are smiling back at me. Up the street one of our neighbors has the whole family, every grown child and their grandchildren over for Sunday dinner and their cars line the streets and their chatter echoes across the neighborhood. That is joy. Jason has left, once again to journey back to Henderson, Nevada for another week of work and another week away from us. I could despair again at the loneliness, but I only feel Christ’s love when I look all around me.

There is something about a freshly mowed lawn and trees just beginning to push open their leaves that brightens your outlook on life. I love this time of year when Easter has just ended and the thought of the Savior’s Resurrection is still so fresh on my mind. Visions of his hands outstretched to help someone in need and the look of complete love radiating in His face seem to, along with spring, bring new hope and new peace. Somehow a part of me knows no matter my loneliness I am not alone, and no matter my trials there is someone somewhere else hurting more.

Storms and tornadoes ravaged the south, leaving destruction and death in its wake, while my sweet babies are tucked safely in their beds and my husband is on the cell phone telling me he already misses me and “loves me more.” Somewhere continents away, families missing loved ones are struggling to rebuild cities and lives destroyed in the tsunami’s wake and I sit in pajamas, warm and snug, with a full tummy typing on my computer while I know all my family near and far are safe.

It’s hard, maybe even impossible, to feel despair when you look at others around you struggling more. So, I do say in wonder, why me? Why, Lord, have you blessed me when I have done nothing worthy of Thy grace? Why, Lord, do you love me so when I forget so often to lift those in need? Why does He time and again, remind me of His peace when I so quickly choose to forget it? His patience with my inadequacies is always humbling. His forgiveness for my many sins is overwhelming. And His perfect compassion is inspiring.

I know Christ’s love for me. I see it in every one of my children’s smiles. I feel it in each of their hugs. I hear it in every sweet whisper of love drifting from Jason’s phone into mine. I know the peace He offers me. I feel it in every dandelion shining back at the sun. I hold it in each little ray that touches my cheek. Why me, Lord? Why have I thus been blessed?