Millions of Little Things

Here I am yet once again writing in my blog, watching the world around me and wondering what might happen this week.  It’s hard not to feel hopeless after all, by the actions of such few we see what conflicts can fall upon so many.  When have we become such a hard people that we cannot respect other’s beliefs and religion?  I know that was not the voice of the whole world, in fact just so very few, but in reality so many more were destroyed and set to unrest because of their bitterness.  And for what?  The desire for entertainment?

Then I have to ask, how are we, as a world that is, so angry that we can let the wickedness and bitterness of a few people who think they have the right to defame another’s beliefs through what they call art, set us into such a fury that we forget the sacredness of life.  Every day I read online the unrest that continues.  Can you imagine the fear and the pain that those innocents are facing right now.  I can almost feel the anger like a heavy dose of adrenaline running through the crowds as I look at the pictures.  All in the name of free speech and religion.  One wrong, horrendous as it may be, is never made right by another.

Now in this light it would be so easy for me to be sad, downright depressed even, but there is so much good that goes on about me every day that I would be showing very little gratitude to my Heavenly Father if I didn’t find joy in his world that he made for me and all of us.

Nan, yes sweet little Nan that I spent most my last blog about, has taken it upon herself to teach Sam how to play football.  Luke is off in the military and I think that Nan has seen how much Sam is missing out on not having his older brother around.  Now Nan has not always been my most coordinated one, but somehow she has managed to find the way that makes the most sense to her brother and has really taught Sam a thing or two.  It is great fun for me as a mother to watch her teach him how to kick a ball, usually barefooted even.  When he gets frustrated and says he will never be able to do it, most often flopping on the ground forlorn, Nan is beyond patient and gets him right back up.  Huge improvement has come and now the whole family is involved.  Sunday night everyone was on the front lawn, Jason and me included though I mostly watched, throwing the football and tossing the Frisbee.  Now if that isn’t something to find joy in I don’t know what is.

The house is a little quiet with everyone at school and I think that perhaps I could be a little sad with that too, but there seems to be plenty to take up my time and by the time the kids come rushing through the door at the end of the day I am happy and ready to see them.

Yesterday I was able to help in Jenny’s class at the high school.  They were doing a botany lesson and needed someone to drive them around.  Something I wouldn’t have been able to do before when I had little ones running to and from school all day long but now that they are all in full time school I have the freedom to do a little more.  It was amazing watching Jenny with her class and watching them all interact.  It was good getting to know the boys that road in our Suburban and watch their politeness and as a mother be grateful that such good kids are around Jenny every day.  And it was fun to watch the kids as their teacher Mr. Baird taught them about the native plants and weeds around them and how they produce and what people and animals can use them for.  Not to mention spending some time with one of Jenny’s friend’s mom who also helped drive, a friend of mine I don’t have the chance to talk to very often.  Another simple something for me to find joy in.

I think if we look it isn’t hard to find a million things in just one day to be happy with.  My yard and the fruit trees getting so big, finally producing enough fruit to can.  My house and my new kitchen that I have been saving for since we moved into this house.  A clean bedroom across the hall that I didn’t even have to get on my little girls to clean this morning.  Breakfast that went smooth and scripture time with only a few little whispers which in themselves was something to smile about.  How about the beautiful weather and the changing leaves.  A four wheeler ride through the mountains with my amazing hubby and all only minutes from our cozy home.  The view out my front door.  Nebo on the left and the Red Cliffs on the right.  Someone’s little kids cutting through my yard to rush to the bus stop, laughing and giggling on the way.

Easy to see the sad in the world?  Most definitely.  Too much bad goes on every day.  But even easier to see the good every day, absolutely.  God loves me.  This I know, and if everything else fails around me, that would be enough.

Breathe

Giggles…thousands and thousands of giggles came from up my basement stairs.  Stephanie, my nine year old, had a late summer birthday and chose to wait until school was back in session to have her friend birthday party.  More kids to invite therefore more gifts, right?  Well Jason being the ever ambitious man that his is has to step in and make every birthday party just a little bit more if you know what I mean.  Stephanie had decided to watch the Lorax for her party.  It isn’t enough that our basement is a home theatre with an actual movie screen and stadium seating.  No that wasn’t quite enough.  So….

Instead Jason set up the green screen and after finding the perfect picture of the Lorax with his hands out as if he was presenting something or in this case someone, then and only then was Stephanie’s party acceptable.  Well, I let Jason know exactly my thoughts on this.  Explaining to him that every party we throw seems to have to be grandeur than needed.

This is where as the grumpy wife I need to apologize.  Really, it wasn’t that hard to set up the green screen that we own for BYU parties in the garage and really it was all his effort that found the picture and laid it out on the computer, not my own.  And even more, it was Jenny and Nan who took the pictures of the girls individually in the garage with Stephanie not me.  And quite frankly it was an awesome party favor to send home with the kids.  They were completely amazed watching it instantly print out.

So.  This is one of many times I have to say to the most amazing husband in the world, thank you, thank you, thank you for making our sweet little girl’s party amazing.  And I was wrong, and I am sorry for giving you a hard time.

I’ve been writing again.  Working on the second book in my Traditions of the Fathers series and of course I have had to delve deeper into the scriptures once again.  When you are struggling to develop a story along what historically happened you have no other choice than to read and study and research.  And as I think of the characters that I am developing I place them in my mind’s eye as if they were really there.  Suddenly Moroni is someone more real and Morianton’s wickedness is more threatening than I had once imagined.  Helaman is ten feet taller than he already was in my mind and the Gadianton robbers a million times more evil.

It is amazing to think of the reality of the lives that these people lived.  In my studies with my children we are not very many chapters away from Helaman and his stripling warriors, only forty years or so, but already there has been one war after another.  Repentance and peace followed by prosperity and wickedness and then again repentance so on and so forth.  I asked the kids, was their time any different than our own.  Was their time really any different than the whole history of the world?  What is it about us humans that we are so quick to forget God and think only of our own abilities?  Isn’t it that very God that we tend to forget who has blessed us with any abilities that we may have?

Wars seem to rage in the world as they always have and perhaps with my oldest now in the army I think more on it, but I have to wonder how we as humans can forget that we are all one people, in God’s eyes anyways.  Why would we want or need to kill each other?

And just when I feel maybe the most lost.  When the Nephite’s wickedness creeps up on me reminding me of the reality of our own world’s fallen state I remember the good people around me who haven’t forgotten who they are or the fact that God’s children are everyone around them, no matter how hidden they might be in this wicked world.

Now, I have to ask myself, am I like them? 

Nan and one of her friends had a conflict with one of her teachers yesterday in school.  Now I have to paint a little picture for you of my Nan for you to understand.  Nan is extremely tender and compassionate beyond what might be considered humanly possible.  She’s fun and giggly and a glass half full kind of person, very quick to forgive and always willing to love.  She is as sweet as they come, someone I thank God every day for giving me.

Now yesterday when she came home from school crying over very clearly a wrong that had been committed against her and this friend by this teacher, I instantly jumped on the Mother Hen bandwagon and wrote this teacher a not very nice email and called my husband who let the principal know exactly what had occurred.  Although I do not think that what I had done was wrong by any means, I was not at all compassionate and should have gone about it more forgiving.  Later when the teacher called to apologize which was very brave of him after my nasty email I talked a little to Nan about forgiveness and how he had made a mistake but she should forgive him because we all make mistakes and hopefully others will forgive us.  Nan of course said she understood and agreed but part of me cannot help but wonder when she sees that teacher today how much anger will be left and how much of that will be because as her mom I dropped the ball and forgot to be more like Helaman and a little less like Angi.

Hopefully tonight Nan and I can talk again and I can explain to her where I was wrong and hopefully God will give me the words that I will be praying for all day, because I want to be like those stripling warriors’ moms and teach my children faith and love and patience, because don’t we all need that?  Doesn’t the world need that?  Maybe if we all forgave a little quicker and judged a little slower we would have more tolerance for one another.  Maybe if mothers like me took a little longer to breathe before we jumped to the defense, our children would grow up to lead the world a little less like we have in the past and a little more like Christ might.

Millions of Peaches

“Millions of Peaches.  Peaches for Free.”  That song seems to be the only one going through my head right now.  Jason was singing it a few days ago and the kids thought that he was crazy, even crazier than they originally believed.  Of course in our “Advanced Years,” the music we know and the music that they know are not always the same.  But even that song is way beyond our usual musical vocabulary.  Why was he singing it you ask?  Because our house is filled with millions of peaches, all of which were free.

Last week every time that the wind blew, which it does a lot in Nebo Heights where we live, I would look up at our peach tree and beg it to stop dropping fruit.  I wasn’t ready for it to be ripe.  I was already putting up salsa and grape juice and didn’t have time for more.  But it didn’t listen to me and eventually I went out and picked up all the fallen peaches and saved the ones still on the tree, that is with the help of my daughters in and amongst the rain and some lightening I might add.  Now why that tree wouldn’t listen to me, I don’t quite understand.  After all I am the one that waters it and feeds it fertilizer in the spring and in the fall and keeps the grass and weeds free of its base.  You would think that it would be a little beholden to me, at least a little bit.

Then again, perhaps it was thinking to itself, not out loud of course because peach trees cannot talk, “Why can’t you just be happy that I paid you back for all of your hard work with hard work of my own?  See all of these beautiful peaches?  I made them just for you.”

I think more often than not I am that way about life.  “Why God can’t you give me what I asked for.  I’ve read my scriptures and said my prayers.  I’ve been going to church and fulfilling my callings.  I’ve given service and called a neighbor in need.  I’ve done all of this hard work, and what have you done for me?”

Now I don’t come right out and say that.  In reality I try very hard to remember everything that he has done for me, but sometimes, way too many times, I ask for things in an attitude of expectation instead of gratitude and humbleness.

So perhaps I should say to that tree, “Thank you for your nice fruit that you are giving to me.  Perhaps it is not the right timing for me, but you know best when your fruit is ready and I am more than happy to reap the rewards.”

And perhaps when blessings come upon me and opportunities to serve present themselves, instead of wishing that maybe they could spread themselves out a little bit so that they don’t seem more like chaos instead of blessings, I should just be happy for the goodness that God has showered upon me and when I fall into bed at night exhausted beyond wonderful belief, I should thank him for the blessings that filled my day, chaos that they might be, blessings still the same.

“Millions of Peaches,” Millions of Blessings, but never for free.  I will try to remember that.  Christ paid a price.  And everything he gives us, every mistake that we are forgiven of.  None of that came for free.

Now I’m off to clean the stickiness from my counters and stack the endless jars of peach pie filling, grape juice, grape jelly, and salsa along my shelves in my storage room.  And as I look at all the pretty colors of all the canning that I have done smiling back at me, I will try to thank the peach tree instead of criticizing it.

"Labor" Day

Nan: What are we doing today?
Me: Cleaning up the basement.
Nan: But it’s Labor Day.
Jason: That is labor.
The weekend started off with a few major disappointments. Rain. Need I say more? What was going to be Friday night at a dance in Nephi for me and at BYU for Jason, both supposed to be outside, turned into stress hoping the gear wouldn’t get rained on. I ended up indoors, but Jason not so lucky spent the whole night not only trying to mix music, but watching the clouds and the internet for any sign of rain. The last seconds of putting the gear away was ended with drops of rain that turned into a down pour once he left the field at BYU. FEW!

Needless to say, the camping trip that was planned for the weekend was shelved. Saturday turned into a trip to Home Depot to find parts to replace some lights in the garage, hoping to lower our electric bill, followed by a deep cleaning of the garage and putting up new, L.E.D, can lights.

  Then, of course Sunday started by mad dash to get ready for me and getting kids up and going while I went to an 8:30 meeting. Followed by finding shoes and black socks for Sam, pulling Steph’s hair up into a quick pony, ironing, and a sprint to Sacrament meeting.

But then…well then there were the great moments in between that stand out. Always in chaos there is something amazing that makes everything worth it. Like the rain…yes I said the rain. That same rain that ruined our camping trip also turned into a massive down pour and gutters filled to flowing running down our street. And when you live where we do, on a hill, that turns into mini rivers, and lots of wet kids, young and old, splashing through puddles.

That was Saturday in and amongst all the garage cleaning. Then Sunday, after church and before the best phone call from Luke, was taking off the toper from the little grey truck. Loading it to overflowing with seven bikes, and driving to the top of Bear Canyon. We left the suburban below and coasted about 3 or 4 miles down the most amazingly beautiful canyon road.

Now today, Labor Day, we are all laboring at my house in amongst the groans and moans. All so I don’t get stuck with the unbearable mess tomorrow while kids are off at school. Jason is finishing the graduation videos for the High School that need to be done. I just finished washing counters, sweeping floors, hanging clothes, picking up dirty ones, and cleaning my own filthy room. But this afternoon, as a family, we will sit down and watch Hunger Games that we just bought (possibly Sam and Steph the Lorax in the other room so we don’t scar them for life,) and all the “labor” and the disappointment will be mixed with one more of many great memories.

Miracle of Motherhood

Ever have one of those days that from the moment that you wake up everything seems to go smoothly. Even in the hurry of getting five kids up and ready for school you just feel peace about you. That is how my day is starting, so far anyways. I guess I have a lot to be grateful for and for some reason today I am aware of it. Why do we not take every moment of every second of our lives to be grateful? If for no other reason than to feel this peace, this joy all of the time.

Last week my daughter Jenny and I were able to fly to Missouri to see my son Luke graduate from Basic Training at Fort Leonard Wood. We watched as the boys, and some girls, stood at attention all in a row and chanted through their cadences. Every head straight and shaved, caped in Army green, and completely unindividual. As the drill sergeant released them to find their families I was instantly filled with panic. Where was my boy? As I turned frantically searching, from behind I heard the most beautiful sound of explanation as Luke swept his tiny sister up into his powerful arms. Do you know what kind of joy that is? Can you even imagine? My heart was beyond overflowing, and when his arms were around me and neither of us wanted to let go, probably me more than him, I couldn't help but wonder how Heavenly Father will feel when his arms are securely around me once more.

That day was the most wonderful day as we walked around base and met with other families who were there visiting their sons. Proud moments as a mom seem to just keep creeping up on me. I wonder how other women can not find joy and fullfillment in motherhood. Perhaps it is what the world is teaching them which we know only comes from Lucifer and his desire to destroy the family. But I wonder how these moments cannot only make you feel like you can soar. Think of the first time your baby smiles at you, hold to that as tight as you can and each and every other moment of simple glory, their first word, the first time they ride their bike without training wheels. Kissing a skinned knee and walking them to the first day of school. Shopping for their first bra or measuring for their first tuxedo or prom dress. The moment when they walk so tall and proud up those gym steps with their tastle hanging from their graduation cap. Or even the moment, when dressed in Army Blues they walk down that isle to stand on that tall stage in Military Stance to call out their name, rank, and home state as they graduate from basic training. How can you not soar with the blessings that God has given you? How can you not bask in the joy of motherhood, even in the darkest hours that will come, which assuredly they will?

I was able this week to travel to U of U hospital in Salt Lake City. Quite a feat I must say. I have never gotten so lost in my life, nearly taking out a van next to me on my way. I thought the adrenaline going through my system would make me puke. I kept saying, "Lord, this is a good thing that I am doing here. Will you please help me." Many twists and turns and wrong stops and bad directions from a thousand different people later a sweet women on her way from the cancer treatment wing of the hospital got in her car and drove me right to the front entrance of the hospital. I was going to see one of my laurels who had been severly hurt in a car wreck and is now in rehab trying to regain feeling and movement to her limbs. Samantha Guillory,(Sam) is the most remarkable girl that I have ever met. She is strong beyond her years and teaching us all a thing or two about never giving up.

Sam is the one on the left and the other two girls are twins also in my laurels class. One of which I stole this picture from on facebook. I have the most amazing girls in young womens. Can I just take a second to say that? They never cease to amaze me. Another one of God's sweet mercies on me. As I walked into Sam's room with her mother Jill, there was an overwhelming spirit of peace in there. I have never felt as close to the veil other than when giving birth to one of my children as I have in that hospital room. Sam was beautiful and sweet and oh so tired and all I could think of was, "Can she feel God like I do here?" She has so much work ahead, and I am sure some times of bitter depression too, but with the angels watching over her like I could feel that they are, Sam will amaze us all. I can only thank her for bringing me that close to heaven, if just for a few minutes.

My Dad asked me this week, now that my youngest Sam,(my Samuel not Samantha Guillory), is in full time school what am I going to do with myself? Well since I haven't hardly even had the time to spare one moment to write in this blog, I think I will spend the next 12 years that I have with them all in absolute, ridiculous, wonderful chaos. How can I ever express all the gratitude that I have for God blessing me with the miracle of motherhood?

Supporting the "Stache"

Youth Conference. What more can I say, other than this is the first time that I have gone since I was a youth myself. I forgot that I could have so much ridiculous fun! One of the best parts about being Young Women's President is that I get to spend so much time with all of the youth in our ward and see them and get to know them in a way that I couldn't otherwise. We have amazing youth. I think that my ward is the best by far. What kind of President would I be if I didn't, but I think that the Church as a whole has amazing youth with strength far beyond anything that the world cam completely understand.

My Secretary Agi was able to go with us to Youth Conference. She had been up until about 2 in the morning that morning with her husband and business associates only to wake up 4 hours later to join us. Needless to say she was a bit tired and during some down time during one of the many thunderstorms, she fell asleep prompting my evil side. Of course I involved the girls in my evilness and prompted Jenny(my daughter) and Morgan, Annee, and the most sinister of them all Hayley, to take Jenny's liquid eyeliner and paint a mustache on Agi's face.

Agi woke more quickly than we would have preferred to what she called "the sensation of someone licking me," which then proceded to more than half of us, boys included, getting our mustaches on. Even Morgan, despite her belief that..."I can't support a stache..." It is an amazing thing when you watch the youth of your ward come together to catch salamanders, zipline across the lake, play games, paddle boat, swim, and cut down dead pine trees as a service project, and see them drawn together when maybe they otherwise would not be. And all of this in some of God's most beautiful scenery. He really knows us more than we can possibly understand. Only he could know just how much my heart would grow with this calling. Only he could know just how much I would yearn and ache for the girls of our ward as I worry about whether I am giving them all of myself or whether perhaps in some ways I am failing. Watching my own daughters as they grow up and I see them with the other girls, I can't help but to thank Heavenly Father for sneaking me into one more aspect of their amazing lives. Because before too long they, like Luke is now, will be on their own and past my mothering care. Where does all that time really go? I sure hope those relationships with our family and beyond our eternal family ones still last behind the veil too.

Luke of course was able to call again Sunday from Basic Training in Missouri. He sounded so good and he is becoming a man and I am so proud, but missing him beyond anything. He has been struggling with a hurt shoulder and needing to pass off his pushups. In his letter he asked that we pray for him as a family because he knew that that would make the difference. He also went to church and asked for a blessing. This from the boy who skipped out of Seminary more times than I can count. Brother Sutorious once sent me a note home regarding Luke in Seminary and on it he put the scripture Galations 6:9, "For let us not be weary in well doing for in due season we shall reap if we faint not." That has become my standard the last few years as our family have had struggles through different things. I can say we are "reaping" now as I watch Luke. How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father.

Jason and Jenny took Sam and my two nephews to the transmitter sight that looks out over our small town, Nephi. They rode the 4 wheelers up and had the best time while I stayed below chatting with my mother and my brother, my two nephew's father, Cullen. Two more weeks with them before they go back home to Texas and already it is breaking my heart. The time used to be when Cullen and Annalee and the boys lived just two houses down. Dallin would come marching right in without knocking to grab a cracker or play with Sam and Steph, and Sam too on their end to watch T.V. I miss those days but am so happy for the relationships, the eternal relationships, that they built. Well, time to get up, to be a mom. Isn't that the greatest blessing of all? How could I ever replace the moments of amazement that come from the little boys together, or my oldest little boy becoming a man? How could I ever replace watching my girls become ladies, and sometimes evil pranksters, at Young Women's, or even learn how to grow their first "Staches" at Youth Conference. The Lord loves us in ways we cannot comprehend, loves me in ways I can never earn. And in all things all I can do is smile.

Amazing Life

Busy week. What can I say. Wouldn't change the craziness for anything. Started out my Sunday exhausted. Been up the night before doing an outdoor movie for BYU and then had to get up early for church. Came home and my most awesome sister in law, Annalee, came over with her equally awesome kids. Got to hold my sweet little niece for the first time.

Isn't she a cutie? Not so sure about my crazy eyes, but you know me, CRAZY! Molly is a doll. Then I went to BYC and class presidency meeting at our Bishop's house. Can I just say that my girl's are amazing. Had some nice missionary experiences with them afterword as we met with a few girls. Then I came home to Luke on his weekly phone call. This is where as a mother I get to gloat. Luke has been at Basic Training in Missouri now since June 12th. That's right, 114 degree weather with 89% humidity. He's ran until he wore his new army shoes to threads and we had to send him new ones. He's pushed up until his shoulder popped out of joint and all in the name of recieving more mail. He's lost half a tooth and cannot do anything about it until after graduation, that is if he wants to graduate at all. He's shot, repelled, blown up things, ran through the rain, through the dark, amongst forest and fireflies, and he's been gassed in the gas chamber. Eaten bland food, lived on sunblock and army rations, and through it all he's managed to bribe nonmember bunk buddies to go to church with him and he has been reading the Book of Mormon. Only had a little free time for about a week and he is already through the First Book of Nephi. He writes letters encouraging the kids to be good and listen to their mother. Offers advice and inspiration. And in everything he has excelled way beyond the mark that they have set for him. In August Jenny and I get to go and see him graduate. Could there be a prouder moment for a mother? Love that boy!!!

This week we had Sam's belated birthday party. He chose to wait until his cousins from Texas could be here. They had the best time in the hot tub and on the giant slip and slide that Jason made for Sam. I spent the time with my beautiful mother, amazing sister in law Annalee, brilliant sister in law Kathy, joyfully wonderful sister in law Alisse, and of course superb brother Brad, while the kids played. Yesterday was spent in Spanish Fork with Jason's family. Parade time with the Eckhardts, the Gibsons and the Thackers. Followed by dinner and swim time at the Thacker's house. Not to mention plenty of holding baby time with my other sweet new little niece, Ayla.

So there you have it. My busy week and it is only Wednesday. Granite counter top guy comes any minute to measure. My niece Jenny comes later today to meet with me. Get to help my Jenny set up a sound system for our remodeled city pool grand reopening later on and Youth Conference at the end of the week. My life is amazing. And I couldn't be happier. And all the while I am missing my army boy and wishing him home, but proud as any parent could be.